Only one word can describe the Vatican’s “compromise” on the issue of gays in the priesthood, and that word is: silly.

You see, I searched for a while to find another term that fits. I tried pandering, short-sighted, laughable. I was even thinking about calling it “diet homophobia”. Silly just seemed to stick.

I’ll let the document speak for itself.

“The Church, while profoundly respecting the persons in question, cannot admit to the Seminary and to Holy Orders those who practice homosexuality, present deeply rooted homosexual tendencies or support the so-called gay culture…Homosexual tendencies are only the expression of a transitory problem … these must be clearly overcome at least three years prior to deaconate ordination“.

Yes, there is now a THREE YEAR RULE against gays in the priesthood. For young men to be able to join the priesthood, they must have abstained from gay sex for at least 1095 days. Now, maybe I’m not that good of an exegete, but I can’t find anywhere in the Bible where this three year rule might have come from. The Holy See must have commissioned some double blind biological study wherein heterosexual men were monitored daily for three years after they were paid to have man-on-man sex, since nothing like a three year rule appears anywhere in the Gospels or the Epistles.

Now, sarcasm aside, I do understand what the Church was trying to do with this document. The worst kept secret by American Catholics has been that a sizeable percentage of men who join the priesthood are gay. The Church has agonized over this issue for years and has tried to carve out some kind of “moderate” position on homosexuality. By both distancing itself from the Religious Right and from the gay community, the Holy See has tried to find some sensible middle. All that they have been able to achieve thus far is silliness. Many Roman Catholics need to realize that, sometimes, there is no compromise. The Vatican should not seek to compromise between loving tolerance and hate. Until the Church shakes it anxiety and realizes there is only one compassionate sensible solution, then every doctrine they continue to proclaim on homosexuality will sound like a Mony Python sketch.